The Emperor has no clothes...and he’s vegetarian.
What I’m ineffectively trying to say is: this place is not worth the money.
The staff, though polite, are a little...not quite there.
The food, though vegetarian, is completely...bland and bonkers.
The atmosphere, though chicly decorated, is ...devoid of personality.
A vegetarian restaurant should be the Veggiesaurus’ idea of heaven. But, when you put some bland, yet strangely alcoholic sorbet next to a scoop of white chocolate mush, and then balance that mush on a cornflake cake and have the audacity to call it a tart; while simultaneously globbing little green blobs of aniseed madness around for decorative purposes, its hell...hell on a plate.
I’m skipping ahead here. Let’s go back to the amuse bouche.
Soured apple jelly, with yogurt, presented in a little shot glass – faultless. Great texture, great presentation, great taste...big promises. Sadly, still awaiting delivery.
Starter for me was beetroot with curd and whey and baked porridge oats...it already sounds mad, it was.
Starter for my friend was brie ice cream and Victoria plum chutney with caraway seed cornets and toasted hazelnut...brie ice cream?! In fairness, the brie ice cream was passable.
Both starters sounded very appetising if not a little busy. In fact, I was concerned that both dishes would be a crowded taste parade. How wrong I was, for in both dishes, seasoning and flavour were elusive little beasts.
Mains, for me, was Goats Cheese and Toasted Cauliflower Mille Feuille with golden Raisin and Cashew Nut Potato and Tamarind Paste while my friend ordered, Salted and Ash baked celeriac and nutmeg yoghurt curd with chestnut puree and brussel sprouts. While the starter was lacking in flavour, both mains were bursting with too many, uncomplimentary flavours. Maybe, this is the trick – underwhelm us with flavour to start, overwhelm us with flavour after. By the law of averages, you should walk away satisfied. You don’t.
Dessert...surely dessert will pull it around. Off course, you know already that it didn’t. Apart from the globs of hell on a plate, we ordered peanut butter cheesecake and cracked cocoa beans with banana and thyme bread and toffee sauce. So, this is a ‘deconstructed’ cheesecake. Frankly, I don’t care if it’s deconstructed or piled into the shape of a Mayan Pyramid (though, that would be cool), just so long as it tastes good. Again, too much going on and nothing that went with each other. For example, the banana and thyme bread was fabulous; the texture was spongy and moist, lying in that happy middle, between cake and bread, but, did it go with the peanut butter? No. The toffee sauce? Still, no. The cracked cocoa beans? How about...no.
The presentation of each dish was beautiful - great colours, precise decorations and decent portions. Perhaps, I’m being harsh but I can’t help but think that, maybe if they kept things simple, they’d stop shooting left of right and, just, get it right.
Price: Approx. £91.00 for a bottle of white, 2 x 3 course dinners and service charge
Veggie Friendly: 5/5
Food: 2/5
Service: 2.5/5
Atmosphere: 2.5/5 (the acoustics of Vanilla Black make the venue a veritable playground of bouncing sounds)
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